It’s not that bad,” shrugs a French banker friend over lunch. “In some ways it’s a relief.” A quarter of his wealth has disappeared as his bank’s share price has plummeted in recent months and as a result he has put an architectural project on hold. “Now I have an excuse to kill it,” he explains. “It was getting to the point where we were doing it because we were doing it. When you start something you’re meant to stay on course.”

Such a phlegmatic response to financial loss is unusual. Actress Zsa Zsa Gabor was said to have reacted badly to the news she had lost millions in the alleged fraud by Bernard Madoff .

FEAR AND PAIN

Suicide is the most extreme response and six high-profile suspected cases have been recorded since the markets went into freefall.

Victims include Adolf Merckle, Germany’s fifth richest man, who threw himself under a train after he lost hundreds of millions of euros speculating on the price of Volkswagen shares. Frenchman Thierry Magon de la Villehuchet, a money manager in New York, took his life after losing clients $1.4bn (€1.1bn) through Bernard Madoff investments. Last month, an Irish real estate tycoon, Patrick Rocca, shot himself shortly after Anglo-Irish bank, where he lost €20m ($26m) in loans, was nationalised.

Losing money actually hurts. A study by The Wellcome Trust published last May in The Journal of Neuroscience showed that losing money in activities such as gambling activates the part of the brain involved in responding to fear and pain.

According to executive coach and psychoanalyst Jon Stokes, who works with senior bankers and chief executives, suicidal behaviour cannot be predicted. He says: “People are very good at masking vulnerabilities. Someone like Merckle may have been vulnerable all of his life. “What we do know about suicide is that it is associated with a hard conscience. Often these people are harsh self-critics.

An inner voice says ‘you’re useless’. Suicide is an attempt to get away from these thoughts. However, in most cases, there would have been a pre-existing condition.” Stokes says what is known is the kind of personality that is most likely to cope. “It all comes down to resilience,” he says. Those people who are good at processing stress, including the devastation that comes with losing money, can separate themselves from the situation. They don’t blame others and they are clear what their values and commitments are.

They have support networks (family, friends, church).They are also aware of how susceptible they become with regard to others, he adds. Resilient people can’t escape the process of grief (shock, denial and anger) but they eventually return to their pre-existing state.

Losing money because a bank folds is one thing: being responsible for the bank folding is another. Stokes says: “Embarrassment, shame and failure directly affect self-esteem and it’s difficult to separate.” Techniques like reframing and cognitive behavioural therapy can help stabilise moods.

People whose self-esteem comes entirely from what they do – and how much they earn – will always fare worse than those with outside interests. Stokes says: “Most people think hardworking CEOs are the most resilient, but it’s the opposite. A high need for control and power means a greater vulnerability to losing it. A hardy CEO who enjoys life, approaches setbacks with humour and makes decisions easily is far better off .”

BOUNCE BACK

Besides, not everyone is that attached to money. Dr Richard Wolman, a South African psychiatrist who works closely with hedge fund managers and bankers across Europe, has observed a great deal of robust behaviour. He says: “Many traders will bounce back.

I have been involved in some serious divorce cases in the hedge fund sector and a trader will say ‘I made a bad trade’ and laugh it off .”What doesn’t help is living in the moment. “That’s denial. It’s an avoidance technique and actually feeds into the anxiety,” says Wolman.

“It’s also addictive because it offers immediate relief. Anxiety reduction only begins with the processing of loss. I teach my patients to say: It is what it is. One has to say it and feel it with the depth of humility.”

Dr Theodore Soutzos, a consultant psychiatrist in London, often has to readjust his wealthy clients’ concept of reality. “I have a client who was earning $40m a year who lost a great deal of money. He came to me in a very anxious state. He was complaining of how expensive London is. He said you can’t find a decent house for less than £15m.

Looking at a property worth £4m was seen as a catastrophe.” The act of making money can in itself be a form of anxiety reduction. “You have to ask yourself what kind of person is worth $200m in the first place,” says Dr Soutzos.

Treating the fear around the loss of money is a three-step process. First is cause, Dr Soutzos says: “You have lost money. Can you do something to keep it?” Next comes perception: “Often people will exaggerate the extent of the damage.”

Finally comes response: “When you’re actively doing something about it, you feel less stressed,” he says. “If people say ‘I will end up on the street’, I challenge them.” In some instances, losing wealth can offer an escape route. It can allow you to pursue another career, move home or shed a partner. Dr Wolman says: “Getting off the treadmill can bring enormous relief. You’re always losing something. There’s always someone out there with a bigger house and a bigger boat.”

After financial pain comes financial healing, though this cannot happen without the willingness to accept the situation (blame and denial are two forms of escapism).

A realistic breakdown of all assets left is the first priority after which it comes down to support structures. “Anxieties go down as soon as you process them,” says Dr Wolman. And this means talking about them.

“We’re social animals in the end,” he says.

“Man healeth man.”

THIS ARTICLE FIRST APPEARED IN THE FEBRUARY, PRINT EDITION OF WEALTH BULLETIN WITH THE WALL STREET JOURNAL EUROPE